Disclaimers, See Part 1
Email: LunarMyth


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"Cordelia?" Buffy screeched as she stepped into the office. She'd never been so happy to see someone. Almost.

"Buffy?" the tall, dark-haired girl squealed right back at her. Despite the fact that they'd never been the best of friends, the girls ran to each other and embraced, jumping up and down. Buffy had grown to admire Cordelia's underlying sensitivity -- and her descriptive letters of Angel, and Cordy had grown to admire Buffy's strength and wisdom. Their correspondence over the years had drawn them close. Closer than either would have imagined.

"It's sooo good to see you," Buffy said, searching the place for Kate.

"Oh, the witch isn't here," Cordy said.

"Huh?" Buffy said absently, thinking she was talking about Willow.

"Kate," Cordelia said with a chipper smile. "I've tried water, but I guess that only works in the movies. She just won't melt *or* shrivel up and die. Of course, then again, I haven't tried a house yet."

Buffy grinned and brightened as she saw the man walking up behind Cordy. "Oh! Of course! I haven't properly congratulated the two of you. Married life seems to be treating you well, Cordy."

Cordelia smiled. "Positively spoiling me, it is."

"Hello, lass," Doyle grinned at Buffy, wrapping his arms around his wife. "I didn't think that was possible," he said to Cordelia.

"What?"

"That you could *possibly* be more spoiled than you are, dearest," he smiled.

"Ooohhh," she groaned and elbowed him in the stomach. "Really," she told Buffy, "he likes being called Spot. That is, since he most often finds himself in the dog house."

Buffy laughed and shook her head at the two. "The two of you are almost as bad as Willow and Oz. Which would probably be just Willow, since Oz is the man of few words and less expressions."

"What about you?" Cordelia asked. "I thought you'd at least join some sexy sultan's harem for a month or two."

"Sorry, pasha my name is not. Anyway, uhhh, is Angel around?"

Cordy nodded. "Yeah, he's in his office. But you might not wanna - "

"Well, it's an emergency. So, check ya later, lovebirds." Facing Angel wasn't the most promising thought, but she had to get it over with. As she neared his office door, Buffy heard the argument coming from within.

"Admit it, Angel," Kate's voice, thick with tears, shouted.

"I don't have anything *to* admit, Kate. You don't know what you're talking about." Buffy could hear the thread of tension underlying his words. As if by memory, she pictured him in his office, standing in front of his desk as he leaned against it, his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest.

Angel stood in front of his desk as he leaned back against it. His arms were crossed stubbornly over his chest as he watched Kate throw her tantrum.

"I don't know what I'm talking about. *I* don't know what I'm talking about?" she sputtered furiously. "You didn't even come home last night! I'm sick of this, Angel! Do you understand me? All of your disappearing acts. All because of *her*. No! Don't deny it! I tried to be nice, to be accepting, but I *saw* how you looked at her. I *saw* you, dammit!"

"Kate, calm down. Look, there's nothing going on between Buffy and I. That ended a long time ago and it's never going to resurface." Because Buffy would never let him get near her. "Buffy's a friend now. It's just how we both want it." How Buffy wanted it, anyway. "The things between us will always be between us, but I'm with you now. I've committed myself to you and I've told you that a hundred times." And Buffy loathed his touch. Not that he could touch her, should touch her. It would be too much of a temptation. "Buffy and I are in the past."

"Fine. Fine, Angel! But just tell me something. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me. Tell me that you don't still love her!"

Buffy covered her mouth and ran back the other way. The woman wanted him to say the words. He'd practically drawn her a picture of how much he did *not* love Buffy, and she was begging for the words. Well, Buffy would be damned before she stood around and listened to the words, hateful as they were.

"Buffy, Buffy what's wrong?" Cordelia cried out in concern.

Buffy looked around frantically. "Where's Doyle?" she demanded.

"Buffy, I think you - "

"Dammit, Cordelia! Please, just tell me where Doyle is. It's important!"

Cordelia nodded down the hall. "Third door on the right. But I..." Buffy was already dashing down the hallway.

"That girl never calms down. I swear, she needs to learn that not every little sign means the world's gonna be sucked into Hell."

"Doyle, we have to talk," Buffy announced determinedly as she barged in unannounced. At his wordless nod she sat down and began to tell him the news.

*****

Angel looked down. "I can't do that," he murmured quietly.

"I knew it," Kate said, as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

"But," Angel looked up. "It's not because I don't love you. I'll just always love Buffy."

"More," Kate said in resignation, the fight flowing out of her. "You'll just always love Buffy *more*."

"Kate, I - "

"No, Angel. I think deep down I knew this day would come. Every week you disappear, and every week I lose a little more of you. I don't know why I didn't face it sooner. Maybe it was because you never faced it yourself, and as long as you could pretend, so could I. But you can't now, can you? Not after seeing her again. You love her. You'll always love her."

"I do," Angel admitted. "I will. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"No," Kate said ruefully. "We never start out intending to hurt someone, do we?"

Angel stepped forward and wrapped Kate in a hug. "You're a good woman."

Kate laughed. "No, I'm a selfish woman. If I was a good woman, I would have taken one look at your soulful brown eyes, seen your love for Buffy, and forced you to go to her no matter what. As it stands, I tried to keep you for myself." She looked up at him. "But you, Angel, you always knew there was one person, and one person only, who owned your heart. And seeing as how I'm dumping you," she grinned, "you're a free man now. Or at least one who's free to make the right decision for once."

"Thanks," he said quickly before running out of his office. He had to find Buffy.

"Woah, woah there. Slow down, big guy."

"Not right now, Doyle, I have to - "

"Find Buffy?" Doyle finished.

"Yes," Angel said as he stopped in the hallway. "How'd you know?"

"Well, besides the fact that you and Kate could be heard through the entire building, I just had a chat with the lass."

"Is she still here?" Angel asked hurriedly.

"No, she left - "

"Then I don't know why I'm here talking to you. I have to find her." He tried to push past Doyle, but his friend stopped him.

"I think you should wait until you hear what I have to tell you."

"What could be so important that it can't wait until after I find her?"

"Believe me. You'll understand," he led them back to his office where he sat Angel down in the same seat Buffy had moments earlier been occupying. "There's a reason Buffy came to L.A.," he began.

"I figured as much. What is it? Demons? Vampires?"

"You," Doyle told him. "Seems that there's a sick little twist on your life that no one knew about until recently."

"What?" Angel asked, misunderstanding Doyle. "Look, you know everything about me - "

"No, no, no. It's nothing like that. This isn't something you're aware of, as far as I know."

"So what is it?" Angel demanded anxiously. He had to find Buffy before she left.

"Your soul? Permanent."

Angel laughed, though it was a joyless sound. "What are you talking about? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Doyle shook his head sadly. "Seems that your friend Willow didn't actually perform the Restoration spell. Oh, she intoned the gypsy spirits and all of that, but it didn't work."

"Of course it did," Angel said dumbly. "I got my soul back, you know that."

It hurt Doyle to tell his friend this, knowing everything he'd been through. "You gained your own soul back. Now, I don't profess to know how, but you beat your demon. Somehow. And you've had your soul since you returned from Hell. On your own terms, no curse involved."

Angel sat in Doyle's office, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Time spent and wasted. Time he could have been with Buffy. He'd retained his soul. By his own worth. It was a stunning blow. "I don't believe this."

"Believe it, big guy. Willow and Giles learned of the fluke a few months ago, but they had to make sure. Also, they wanted to wait - "

"For what?" Angel asked hoarsely, hurt that his friends could deny him this information for any amount of time.

"Boy, you just won't let a guy finish, will ya? They wanted to wait for a good time to ask Buffy break the news to you."

"Wha-.... Why Buffy? They knew it would hurt her the most."

"Because you still love her and she still loves you and the both of you are too stupid and proud to admit it to either yourselves or each other," Cordelia said from the doorway.

Angel thought her statement over, finding truth in it, if only from his side. "When did she leave? Where is she going?"

"About ten minutes ago. And I assume back to Sunnydale," Cordy replied. "Believe me, she looked like a bat outta hell. Whenever she's that upset, there's only one place - " she pressed herself against the doorway as Angel rushed past her. " - she ever goes. God, those two are one of a kind."

Doyle shot his wife an odd look before breaking into laughter once again.


=====


The two hour drive had passed quickly, though in the haze of her anger and embarrassment, Buffy didn't remember much of it. She hadn't really known where she was headed until she pulled up in front of the abandoned apartment. It held both the best and the worst memories for her of her relationship with Angel. Besides, she couldn't quite move in to the mansion. Spike was living there and it would be unseemly of her to just barge in, even if he wasn't there. Especially since she was not seeking comfort, but memories.

Toting her bags in, Buffy threw her stuff on the bed. Oddly enough, there was no cloud of dust. She wondered worriedly for a moment whether or not someone was inhabiting the place, but upon inspection, the room was completely bare. But it was obviously cleaned often.

She shrugged and placed her small radio alarm clock on the floor. She'd brought batteries, but the place was still electrically sound. Buffy switched on a small lamp next to the bed and sat down. Setting the alarm for six, she turned on the radio. The last thing she needed was silence. The lone DJ spouted embellished words of wisdom as he crooned to all of the lovelorn souls in the night. It made Buffy want to laugh. What did he know of love? Of true love? Of a love so strong that it should have been immortal? She scoffed at her thoughts. And what did she know of it? Obviously the only love she'd ever felt in her life was neither love nor immortal. "'Desire, even in its wildest tantrums, can neither persuade me it is love nor stop me from wishing it were,'" she quoted to herself. She dug her palms into her scratchy eyes, willing the tears to go away, but to no avail. Buffy cried as she listened to the soft music on the radio.


God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?


"Mmmm. Know that feeling," she talked to herself, her voice betraying the bitterness she felt. It left a vile taste in her mouth, knowing that Kate would forever have his arms to hold her. His arms to keep her safe and, yes, even warm. It didn't seem fair.


Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
'Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?


"I'm the fucking Slayer," she intoned mercilessly. "I'm stronger than this. It won't kill me. Can't kill me. It shouldn't even matter to me." Yet the tears kept flowing. She sniffled. "God. I thought I was over this. Why? Why?!" she raged, yanking the lamp from its socket and throwing it against the wall. Even the sound of shattering glass didn't soothe her. The room was bathed in black, but her feeling of vulnerability was already cemented. Buffy's shoulders shook violently as her emotions ran through her in torrents. "Angel," she wailed brokenly.


Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave


Strong arms enveloped her in a cold embrace. She fought against him, punching his chest and pulling at his arms, but he was much stronger than she. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn't mind. One arm bound around her, he lifted his other hand to smooth her hair back from her feverish face. His lips tickled her brow as he alternated between placing light kisses on her silken skin and whispering nonsense that was nonetheless calming. He pulled her easily into his laps and curled his body around hers, as if wrapping her in a cocoon of safety. Anything to make her feel secure.


I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?


Her sobs slowed into the a quiet stream of tears and then into the soft hiccuping of recovery.

"Why are you here?" Buffy asked miserably.

"I knew you'd come here," Angel told her soothingly.

"But why?" Buffy fought to look up at him, though in the black of the room she could only barely make him out. "Why did you come here? Especially if you knew I'd be here."

"Buffy...." Angel sighed, his thumbs wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks. She looked so small, so childlike, so innocent, so...hurt. But this wasn't something he could just kiss and make better. However, a kiss didn't sound so bad. So he leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. When she didn't pull back, Angel deepened the kiss. He felt her hands curl around the back of his neck and he pulled her closer to him. He almost smiled when he felt her begin to kiss him back, but he was intent on making this experience as painless as possible for her. Her lips parted and Angel took it to be an invitation, however, when his tongue traced the curve of her lip, she pulled back.

"No," she mumbled disconcertedly. Looking up at him, a fire began to burn in her eyes. "No!" she yelled, pushing him away from her.


When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?


"Buffy. Buffy!" He fought with her, catching her fists as she tried again to punch him and blocking her legs as she tried to kick him. It wasn't long before she'd tired herself out, and he easily trapped her beneath him on the bed. His heart cried out as he looked down at her, her breath coming in pants and her hair in wild disarray around her shoulders.

"Just go. Leave. Me. Alone," she told him, her words quiet but firm.

"I can't do that Buffy."

He thought he heard a small giggle come from her. She glared up at him, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Oh really? I thought you had that move perfected."

"Buffy..." he warned her, clenching his fists.

"No," she stated again, hoarsely. "You just don't understand, Angel. Please. Look. I'm actually begging you. Go. Leave me alone. Please, Angel." Her voice cracked as she pled with him.

"I can't," he told her. He sounded so earnest, so truthful, that Buffy wanted to believe him. "I can't let you go. I can't let you walk away from me. Not knowing what I know now."

"And what is that?" Buffy asked, disheartened.

"That you still love me," Angel said.


Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave


"What?!" Buffy exclaimed. "Is that what Doyle told you?"

"Yes. He told me you still love me. Well, that's not totally true. Cordelia told me you still love me. Kate told me I still love you. Doyle just told me about the curse." He said it nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal, and reached down to unplug the clock radio.

"You shouldn't be here, Angel," Buffy said, shaking her head. "You belong with Kate," she told him, even though it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Do I?" Angel asked her. "I don't think you really think that."

"It doesn't matter what I think," Buffy told him in resignation. She flopped back on the bad and stared at the ceiling, not wanting to look at his beautiful face. "It doesn't matter what I want. It doesn't matter what I feel. All the matters is how you feel..." she said, her voice rough with new tears, "and you love Kate. That's all that matters."

"You take too much for granted, Buffy."

"Do I? Did I take it for granted that you'd never leave me? Did I take it for granted that you'd always love me? Did I take it for granted that we'd be together forever, that it would always be us, that nothing could tear us apart? You know, I'm tired of being wrong. In fact, I'm just plain tired." She closed her eyes, hoping to block the sight of the pain and sadness -- it was probably pity -- in his gaze.

"Buffy, I came here because - "

"Shit!" Buffy interrupted as the beeper Willow had given her vibrated. She unclipped it from her waist and looked at it. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed in a rush, ducking under Angel's arms and rolling off the bed. "I've got to go. Will's in labor."

"I'll go with you," Angel offered, immediately adjusting to the seriousness of the situation and to Buffy's excitement.

"No," she said, a little too harshly. Turning, Buffy threw him an apologetic smile. He was Willow's friend, after all. "It's almost dawn. Just...just stay here." Angel brightened a bit until Buffy continued. "You can hang here, I'm sure. It's unoccupied, though someone's been taking care of it. As soon as it's nightfall you can head back to L.A." Without a backwards glance, Buffy ran out of the apartment and jumped into her car.


=====


"They're beautiful, Will," Buffy said honestly as she stared down at the two tiny bundles in Willow's arms. The twin boys were sleeping, and their mother looked pretty tired herself. Oz stood by proudly, watching his wife and children with love in his dark eyes. Yes, even Oz was touched by the scene.

"They're a handful, but it's so wonderful. They have Oz's eyes. Oh, and my hair and smile," she grinned.

Buffy arched a brow as she sat on the edge of her friend's bed. "Is their physiology of any of the...wolfish type?"

Willow shrugged. "The doctors say they're perfect. But I've been reading up on it -- just in case. As fas as I learned, if they do have any were-tendencies, it'll begin to express itself at the beginning of adolescence."

"Ooooh, making puberty that much more beastly," Buffy quipped.

Willow grinned and handed her sons over to Oz. "I think it's time they go back," she said, spotting the nurse in the doorway. Oz excused himself, carrying his sons as proudly as any father ever did.

"So did you do it?" Willow asked, eyeing her friend.

"Yes. Well, I told Doyle. I can only assume Doyle told him."

"Buffy, you - "

"I know, I know. I was supposed to tell him. But I just couldn't. I tried."

"Well," Willow sighed. "I assume you've been back for a while? Or that you were on your way when Oz beeped you? You got here pretty quickly."

Buffy nodded. "I was...here."

"Really? Why didn't your mom come with you?"

Buffy opened and shut her mouth. "I wasn't at home."

"Where were you?"

She looked around, her hand reaching out to toy with the curly ribbon on the flowers Xander had sent -- from his own room. "I was at the apartment."

"The apart - ? Ohhhh. What were you doing there?"

"Truthfully?"

Willow rolled her eyes.

"Fighting with Angel."

"What?"

"He was there. He said he knew I'd go there. I don't know how he knew. Then again, Angel always knew me better than anyone."

"So, have you guys gotten things sorted out?"

"No. I told him to leave. To go back to L.A. Back to Kate."

"Is that what you really want?"

"What I want doesn't matter."

"Buffy, dammit! I'm so tired of you acting as if the whole world is on your shoulders. It's not. And if you would just open yourself up, invite him back in, you'd know that."

"I can't..." Buffy whispered.

"Arggg!!! The two of you drive me crazy! I'm gonna tell you a story," she patted Buffy's hand. "Remember when you told Angel what happened, and then you ran back home, ashamed because you'd disgusted him?" Buffy nodded. "And remember when he came back for you, and you turned him away?" Buffy nodded again, unsure of where this was headed. "Well, when he came back, I saw him. He didn't know it, but I did. I was on my way back to the dorm when I saw a vampire pull a man who looked much like Parker into a dark alley. Now, I had no love for Parker, but I felt compelled to see what was going on. And lo and behold, there was Angel, in full game regalia, whaling on this 'innocent bystander'. And I was happy. I was happy the guy was getting what he deserved. But Angel never once bit him, he just beat the crap out of him. I think he would have killed him, had Spike not happened along. I listened as Angel told Spike what the guy had done to you. Spike, seeing that the guy was almost dead, made Angel leave. I assume shortly after he showed up on your doorway. And remember when the rumours started that Parker had moved away?" Tears glistened in Buffy's eyes, but she nodded once more. "Well, they weren't exactly true. As soon as Angel had gone, Spike did away with him. Sucked him dry and discarded of the body. And I watched the entire gruesome scene without feeling an ounce of sorrow."

Buffy tried to swallow the truckload of information Willow had just given her. "Riley?" she asked softly. He'd also disappeared soon after their breakup.

Willow sighed. "Well, I didn't see this, but Spike gave me the story. He hated that Riley had given you an ultimatum, so he reported it to Angel, knowing full well that Angel would run back here and 'take care' of the situation. But after a good beating from the both of them, Riley willingly left town. And...."

"There's more?" Buffy asked, shocked.

Willow nodded. "Let me guess. The apartment, when you got there, it was neat but bare?" Buffy's look was all the affirmation she needed. "He's been living there. Every other week he comes back to Sunnydale. At first I thought it was just so he could help out. Then I got the feeling he just wanted to be around if you ever showed up."

Buffy was stunned. "I never knew...."

"No. And he never knew how much you asked about him. So you see, the only thing standing between you and happiness as your foolish pride. Buffy," she said haltingly, "I know life's a little more dim than when you first started out. But you make each other happy. You love. And that's all that matters in this life. Don't let him slip away from you again."

With a soft smile, Buffy slipped out of her friend's hospital room.





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