TITLE: I'm Too Sexy
BY: Zorya
E-MAIL: LunarMyth
DISCLAIMERS: Joss...WB...Mutant Enemy. Right Said Fred, "I'm Too Sexy"
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Badfic/Sillyfic
SPOILERS: Set Season 4
SUMMARY: Wackiness ensues when Willow and Anya make drinks.
COMMENTS: I dunno...I'm going on if vampire's can have their pics taken. We've seen them on video, but I don't care. It's not some kind of big storyline thing....
FEEDBACK: This is truly bad.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Uhhh...Will?" Buffy murmured haltingly. "What did you put in those drinks?"

The red headed witch shook her head. Her mouth hung open. "N-n-nothing. I swear. I just added what you told me to. The ingredients were there on the table. It...it can't be anything we drank." She looked around the room. "We're all fine."

Buffy followed her gaze and narrowed her eyes. Cordelia? Check. Anya? Check. Willow? Check. Herself. Yep, 'nother check. "Will...do you notice something odd about this?"

Willow's eyes widened. "I can think of about a hundred and one things I see wrong with this picture. Which one are you referring to?"

"I think she's referring to the fact that whatever it is, it's only affecting the guys," Cordelia pointed out.

"I don't think there's anything strange about that at all," Anya commented. "Men, by nature, are rude, crude, immoral jerks. So what's different if they decide to...to...to...."

"To what, Anya?" Buffy snapped. She and the demon-turned-mortal weren't known to have the best of relationships. "Tell me. What exactly are -" Buffy's words were cut off when the guys started whooping and yelling and shoving the furniture back against the walls. "This doesn't give me a warm and fuzzy," she said as she watched them wreck her mother's living room.

"Mic?" Spike yelled.

"Got it!" Oz shouted back and tossed him the broom.

"Really, what has gotten into you losers?" Cordelia asked, but was ignored.

"Costume change!" Xander announced. He was followed by Oz, Spike and Angel as he stampeded up the stairs.

"Oh no. No. Whatever this is, I don't like it!" Buffy said and raced up after them. However, she arrived just in time to have her bedroom door slammed in her face. "Open this door right now!" she ordered them. "Don't make me break it down!" She was met by the sweet sound of male laughter.

"Buffy? What's happening?" she heard Willow shout from the bottom of the stairs.

Buffy stalked to the top of the landing and looked down at her friend. "They're...they're...giggling. Please, Will, try to remember what you put in those drinks. They didn't start acting this way till AFTER we all had a few. Remember? Spike was being an ass and I threatened to stake him and he called me 'luv' and Angel -"

"I was not being an ass, luv," the slurred British voice called out from her room.

"I promise," Willow said when Buffy reached the bottom of the stairs and they walked back into the living room. "There were three bottles. A clear one, a golden one and something that was kinda blue. You told me to just dump them in. I did."

"Blue?" Anya repeated softly.

"Yes, blue. Why?"

"Will, I only had two bottles of liquor. Besides, you weren't supposed to pour them all into the same thing."

Willow shrugged. "Well...I still don't see why we're fine and.... Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh, what?" Buffy asked.

"Uh-oh, Anya's turning a little green," Cordelia said.

All three girls turned to Anya, glaring at her expectantly.

"Well...I...I wasn't sure it would even work. It was just supposed to be for Xander, anyway," she said defensively.

"Oh?" Cordelia asked, a small gleam of jealousy shining in her eyes.

Buffy sighed in exasperation. "Just tell us what it was!"

"It was just a little serum I designed to weaken the male's resolve. Not that they need that much weakening," she rolled her eyes. At the girls' continuous glare, she continued. "It's supposed to act on the part of the male's brain that controls his inhibition. And his -"

"Oh. My. God."

"Oh sweet Goddess."

"I've got to get a camera."

" - feminine side," Anya finished.

The four girls sat down simultaneously on the couch, stunned.

Spike reached out one fine black nail and hit the power button on the stereo as he sashayed by. He picked up the discarded broom and let Oz put in the CD.

Willow covered her eyes with her hands, though her fingers were parted so she could peek through. Her resilient, taciturn Oz was dressed in a bright pink tiny-T and a tight black leather skirt...complete with black silk stockings. The least she could admit was that his make-up was done well.

Anya and Cordelia gaped at Xander. He'd put on black lacy bra and...it looked like he was wearing Spike's tight black jeans and his red silk shirt. He grinned at them, displaying his bright red lips.

Buffy shook her head. Xander was wearing Spike's clothes and Spike was wearing.... Spike was wearing.... Noooo. She'd never noticed he had such a girlish figure.... He was in a pair of...Cordelia's?...dark red leather pants. And a black mesh shirt that showed more skin than not. And Angel. Well, perhaps Angel exhibited more of his feminine side on a regular basis than the other guys. He was wearing his own tight...delicious...black leather pants. And a pair of full-length black evening gloves. Her own black boa was draped over his shoulders and brushed against his broad, bare chest. She thought maybe transsexuality wasn't so bad after all. His eyes were dark and smoky and his lips were coated in a fine red sheen.

"Never thought I'd see you letting a demon into your pants, Cordy," Willow murmured.

"Oh God. I'm fat!" Cordelia screeched as she looked at Spike in her pants.

"What about Doyle?" Buffy asked, her voice hushed as she watched the guys prance around a bit.

"Shut up, Buffy."

"My gloves are ruined," Buffy mused aloud.

"Your gloves? Hello? Aren't you the one who told me little Spikey over there likes to go commando...with Little Spikey?!?" Cordelia yelled.

Spike leered at her and wiggled around in her pants.

"What were you expecting Xander to do for you, Anya?" Willow asked, still watching her boyfriend. She'd reached the same conclusion Buffy had, and was getting rather turned on by the sight of her wolf in her clothes.

"That's none of your business."

"Oh, I think we all know what Anya's after..." Buffy said in a singsong voice.

"One. Two. One, two, three, four," Oz called out as he pushed the "play" button.

Buffy snickered as soon as she heard the music.

Spike danced forward, makeshift microphone in hand, and began to sing with the music.


I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me


Oz, Xander and Angel danced behind him, their hands roaming over their bodies in an innocent parody of how the girls danced. Xander ran his hands through his hair and gyrated his body against Angel's.

Spike danced up to the girls, his legs parted as he thrust his pelvis back and forth with the beat.


I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing


He tossed the broom over his shoulder and Xander caught it, dancing forward as Spike moved backwards, rubbing his hands all over his barely covered chest. Xander eyed the girls lustfully as he sang.


I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk


When he handed the "mic" over to Oz, Anya grabbed the waistband of his jeans and pulled him close. "You're my bitch," she told him and stood up, plastering her body against his as she began dancing with him. Buffy and Willow exchanged startled glances and Cordelia shot daggers at the girl.

Oz sauntered forward and stood in front of Willow, straddling her knees as he moved closer to her. Buffy laughed out loud when she saw Willow blushing furiously, her gaze trained on the slight bulge beneath his skirt.


I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat, what do you think about that


He grabbed her hand and pulled her up to him. With a twist he had her back to his chest and was gyrating his pelvis against her ass.

Buffy laughed, but was caught off guard by Cordelia's smirk. When she turned her head, she saw Angel in front of her. Correction. She saw Angel's crotch in front of her. His body moved to the music as he reached out his and trailed his fingertips over her cheek...down her neck...her shoulder...her arm...and wrapped his long fingers around her wrist. Angel placed her palm on the top of his chest, dragging it downward toward his....

Buffy jerked her hand back and shot a helpless look to Cordelia, who was smug about not being attacked. Buffy shrugged good-naturedly and stood up, slipping a thigh between Angel's as they danced and he...sang.


I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk


Buffy laughed out loud as Angel "shook his little tush".

Spike wickedly eyed the lonely girl sitting on the arm of the couch. As soon as she turned her gaze from his direction, he slipped behind her, his hands wrapping around her waist as he rubbed himself against her.


I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my, too sexy for my


"As if," Cordelia said, trying to push him off of her.

"C'mon, pet," he whispered in her ear. "I'm already in your pants." With that, he picked her up and pulled her against him.

Cordelia pretended not to like it when his hands gripped her hips and he slid down her body. "First Doyle, now Spike? Angel, I better be getting paid for this," she said in well feigned disgust.

Spike grinned up at her. "I'll pay you, luv. I didn't know you'd gone into that business...."

Xander and Oz sang in unison. Willow had Oz on his knees in front of her, a bit of her alter-ego shining through, and Anya had Xander pressed against a wall as she writhed against him.


'Cos I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk


Angel lifted Buffy's leg and hooked it over his hip as he dipped and undulated against her. His hand curled behind her neck as he drew her towards him and he leaned down, singing lowly in her ear.


I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat


Angel growled...


Poor pussy, poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me


The girls laughed and clapped as the guys joined together for the last line.


And I'm too sexy for this song


The men struck various poses as the music ended and immediately collapsed into a pile on the floor.

"Hmmm..." Buffy murmured. "I'm thinking...camera. This is definitely a photo-op." They all exchanged evil grins and ran upstairs to their bags to grab their cameras, half-dreading the what they would find. And rightly so, clothes were strewn all over the room.

"They are so going to pay," Cordelia grumbled as she picked up the silver Vera Wang dress she'd bought in case of an emergency.

Buffy grinned mischievously. "Just think of the pictures you could post up at the office." That made Cordelia smile.

They rushed back downstairs and posed the guys together, their arms over each other's bodies. Clicks and flashes filled the room for minutes.

"So, Anya," Willow started. "When exactly will this wear off?"

The girl shrugged. "They'll probably sleep it off. Maybe an hour."

Buffy nodded and set her camera down. "So.... Anybody wanna go fix another batch of drinks?"





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