Disclaimers, See Part 1
Email: LunarMyth


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Buffy threw back her shoulders and stiffened her spine. Surprising as it was, she could handle this gracefully. Life had always thrown her curve balls. She was a Slayer, didn't that prove something? Her smile wavered in the beginning, but she saved face, carefully hiding her emotions beneath the cool veneer of her exterior.

"It's nice to meet you, Kate," she said, her voice was subdued and temperate, not the loudmouthed, brash tone of the Slayer who'd stalked so imperviously into the den of her former lover. As she extended her hand, she noticed the other woman's touch was smooth and cool and her grasp was sure and confident.

"It's a pleasure to meet you also, Buffy. I've heard so many things about you," Buffy heard her say amidst the cacophony of thoughts raging through her mind. "So many things". Good things? Bad things? What "things" would Angel have said about her? What "things" did Angel share with this woman? This...stranger.

"Oh really?" she laughed nervously, pulling her hand back to tuck a wayward strand behind her ear. Blond hair. Like the woman had. "I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing."

"Definitely good," the police woman assured her with a smile. "Angel has nothing but praise for you."

Angel. Angel. Angel. The name resounded inside of her brain like a mantra. But there was nothing mystical or magical in the way this woman said it. The way her tongue rolled over the soft syllables, caressing his name as her hands had most assuredly caressed his body. Her Angel. Buffy's Angel. Kate's Angel.

"Speaking of, Girl," Whistler turned to Buffy, "he should be here any time now."

Buffy turned to Angel's demon "friend" with thankful smile. He'd agreed to take Doyle's place while the happy couple was on their honeymoon. "I really didn't mean to barge in. I'm sorry. I...I thought he'd be here already. There's...." Buffy hazarded a glance back at Kate, her gaze sweeping over her turned back. "There's just something I have to tell him. And I...I wouldn't even have come all the way.... It's a small thing actually. It's just...a small, big thing."

Whistler rested a hand on her shoulder, his tone gentle. "It's okay. I don't profess to be too knowledgeable in this area. Hell, I'm the one who introduced you two, in a round about way. He'll not be expecting you, but I'm sure your visit will come as a nice surprise."

"For who?" Buffy mumbled doubtfully.

"Mmmm. Why don't you ask him?" he asked, looking over her shoulder.

Buffy turned as Angel walked into the agency building. Since Cordelia wasn't around Kate had been taking over her duties during her off hours from the station. As she stood bent over the phone, Buffy watched Angel wrap his arms around her from behind and place a light kiss on her cheek. She'd never imagined that anything could hurt as much as hearing him tell her he did not want to spend the rest of his life with her, as much as watching him walk away from her, but this did. Seeing the tall, older woman turn to him, a smile lighting up her face, Buffy remembered what it was like to feel Angel's arms around her. Had she looked so radiant every time Angel walked into a room? Had her eyes glowed with emotion every time he was near? Time seemed to move in slow motion for Buffy, and the knife twisted in her heart. But she fought to keep up her tranquil facade.

Whistler squeezed her shoulder softly, sensing how much the sight of Angel and Kate tore her up.

"Angel?" he called out quietly, bringing the darkly handsome vampire's attention around to where they stood.

Buffy was thankful for the man's comfort, though she clasped her hands tightly behind her back. The look on Angel's face as he spotted her only drove the knife home. Had she really thought she could face him? That she could come to him, with the news she had to share with him, and expect everything to be dandy?

Angel stood still, surprise etched on his face. It had to be an illusion. A dream. He had them so often, it would not be unusual. Buffy wasn't in California. Buffy wasn't even in America. She was in France. And before she'd been in Australia. And China. And Russia. He'd heard she was headed to Spain next. He made sure to keep intent track on her whereabouts. This was not Buffy. Besides, forgetting the fact that he'd not seen her in four years, she did not look like the Buffy he remembered. Her hair was still blond, but it was long and so straight that it looked like spun silk. It hung down her back, the ends brushing over her waist, back and forth, in the same rhythm of the rise and fall of her chest. Her skin was still golden with tan, despite the fact that she hadn't been a California girl for over a year. Her eyes were a bright sea blue, denying their hazel colour. Angel's eyes roamed over her body hungrily, searching for any sign that she was merely a spectre. Her skirt was tapered and mid-calf length and a deep purple, the raw silk shimmering like amethysts. Her top was fitted and a pale violet that contrasted well against the deep, rich colour of her skirt. It left her shoulders bare, her dainty clavicle enhanced by the thin gold chain around her neck from which hung the small cross he was so used to seeing. She'd lost weight, he noticed with a frown. She seemed so frail, yet she was still so beautiful that it made his heart ache. As he returned his gaze to her eyes, he almost started at the maelstrom of emotions he saw. But as soon as he blinked, she'd covered them well.

Buffy was in no better of a state. It was hard looking at him -- her avenging Angel -- without breaking down into the sobs that even now wracked her heart. How had they gotten here? It seemed almost like yesterday that she'd been the only love in his life, and he hers. She didn't begrudge Angel his happiness. She just didn't know when that happiness had ceased to be her. And he was so handsome, standing before them in his black. Some things never changed, she thought with a smile. Black trousers, fitting his strong, powerful thighs just so. Black boots gracing his feet. How he ever managed to be stealthy was beyond her. His pristine white shirt was untucked, but covered mostly by his leather jacket. One she was quite familiar with. He was so unchanged. It was startling. Buffy knew, of course, that he was a vampire. Destined to remain ageless. But it didn't help the fact that she could remember every detail of him distinctly. It didn't help that she could feel so easily transported to those years.

"Angel," she greeted him quietly.

"B-Buffy," he sputtered.

She smiled slightly. "Long time no see, huh?" She tried to make light of their situation. It all seemed so surreal. She had to keep it that way. If the reality of it hit her....

"Extremely," he murmured.

"Honey, Buffy just dropped in a few minutes before you arrived. Isn't this a wonderful surprise? It's not often you get visits from your old friends. You know, if you discount Cordelia," she said, wrinkling her nose at Cordelia's name as she slipped her arms around her lover.

The fact that Kate and Cordelia did not get along was not lost on Buffy. She'd known from Cordy's brief letters. Known also that Angel had moved on.

"Yes, well, I was just in the neighborhood and thought, 'What the hey. It's not like I have anything better to do'," Buffy said, laughing hollowly.

Angel's eyes were alert as he watched Buffy. Something wasn't right. Besides, her excuse for stopping by was bullshit. And she knew he knew.

Buffy raised her fingertips to her temples, unconsciously trying to relive her stress over the situation. "Well, ummm. I should probably get going. Places to go, vampires to slay. Or something like that." She nervously fidgeted with the strap of her purse as she moved past the group.

"Buffy, wait," Angel said, his hand around the top of her arm restraining her.

Buffy flinched at his touch, then glanced down at his hand and swallowed the tears that rose unbidden to her eyes. His touch was so cold, so sterile. Well, the cold part could be explained, even treasured, but he was emotionally cold.

"Is this the only reason you dropped in? A random 'hi'?" The way she flinched at his touch infuriated him. As if he would ever hurt her.

Buffy threw a pleading look to Whistler before hazarding a gaze into Angel's dark eyes. "Yeah. I mean, you'll probably see me again while I'm here. But uhhh, yeah. Just thought I'd say...'hi'...." She calmly extricated herself from Angel's grasp and walked out of their office.

"She's so sweet," Kate said with a smile. "It was nice of her to stop by." With that, she excused herself to make a few client calls.

"Was that the only reason she came by?" Angel asked his friend without preamble.

"No," the demon told him. "But she'll be back," he assured.

Buffy slumped against the wall of the building, gasping for fresh air as soon as she stepped out into the night. Her body shook and she wanted to throw up. How was she going to tell him? What would he think of her? Buffy closed her eyes, letting her hot tears trickle out from beneath her lowered lashes. Pictures of him and Kate ran through her mind as if they were on a loop. She unclenched her hands finally and saw that her nails had dug deep enough into her flesh as to draw blood. How would she ever be strong enough to face the fact that the love of her life...didn't love her anymore?


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"I'm sorry, Angel. Even *I* didn't know. Willow and Giles figured it out only a few months ago, though why they didn't tell you then, I don't know," Buffy babbled.

Throwing her hands up in the air, Buffy turned from the mirror and sunk down onto the bed in her hotel room. There was no way she could tell him. No way that didn't sound like she was trying to win him back. Which she wasn't. She wasn't even thinking of Angel leaving Kate and running off with her into the sunset -- or just after it. Was she?

Nope, she couldn't be. Hadn't she just told Willow that she couldn't be with *anyone*? And didn't *anyone* include Angel? Yes. So she couldn't be with him. It was settled.

No it wasn't. She still had to figure a way out to break the "good" news to him. How did you tell a soul cursed vampire that there was no curse on his soul? That your best friend had tried to re-curse him, had even invoked the spirit of the gypsies, but had failed anyway. That he'd broken through his own demon, beaten his own demon, and had been living a lie since he'd returned from Hell? Buffy didn't think they made Hallmark cards for that.

The phone rang just then and Buffy rolled over to pick it up. "'Lo?"

"Buffy," she heard Willow say on the other end of the line. "How're things?"

"Not as simple as I'd hoped," Buffy groaned.

Willow grinned knowingly, but kept her concerned tone. "Oh really? Why not?"

"Well," she sighed. "I met Kate today. I don't like her. I mean, I guess there's nothing too off about her...but if Cordy doesn't like her, I don't like her." She knew quite well that her reasoning was faulty.

"You're basing your opinion on Cordelia?" Willow almost laughed. This was too good.

"Yeah, well...if you'd met her, you'd feel the same way. Besides, I trust Cordelia. And if you heard the way she talked about Cordy, you'd feel the same way."

Willow thought about it. Though the May Queen had become an official part of the Gang, Willow had still said some pretty bad things about her. "Oh, I"m sure you're right," she hurriedly agreed.

"Will, if you just saw her," Buffy said, her depression evident over the phone. "She's tall and pretty and...and she's a cop. You know what that means? It means she gets to help Angel with his cases."

"Yep," Willow said. "That's what it means."

"He never asked me to help with his cases. Probably because he had his lover, Kate, helping him do all the dirty work. Helping him 'do the dirty'," Buffy pouted.

Willow tried to hold back her laughter. So Buffy was jealous. It was a good sign. "Well, I think Angel thought you didn't want to help him."

"Why would he think that?" Buffy asked defensively.

"Well, because when he came to you the last time - "

"First time," Buffy corrected.

"First *and* last time," Willow amended. "You let him stand out in the rain the whole night, pounding on your door until sunrise. It was so horrible to see him burst into flames like that. Really, Buffy. That was awful of you."

"It's nice to know whose side your on," Buffy shot without conviction.

"I'm not on anyone's side, Buffy. I just don't think he deserved a horrible flaming death."

"I didn't want his pity, Will."

"How do you know it was pity? Maybe it was worry. No matter who Angel's involved with, he still cares about you. And you know that. He could be married and if you needed help, he'd still run to your aid without the first thought, if you asked. Even if you just hinted."

"Oh God, Will. Do you think he'll marry her?"

"Buffy! You're not even listening to me! It wouldn't even matter if he *did* marry her. He still loves you, Buffy. And you still love him."

"I do not. And...and he doesn't love me. If you could have seen him with - "

"I have, Buffy. Okay? I have seen him with Kate. And yeah, you know what, she loves him with her whole heart. Which only makes me feel sorry for her. You know why? Because she and I both know, deep down, that Angel will always hold you first in his heart. And maybe you can't face that, and maybe he can't face that, but it's obvious to everyone else." Willow paused, catching her breath before she continued blasting Buffy. "I've seen the two of you together. I know what your love was like. It was so...powerful, Buffy. I'm happily married, and I love Oz more than anything. But you know what? I'm still a little jealous of your love. Because even though you'll get old and die, you know that there's someone on this earth who will always love you more than life itself. Your love is immortal. And I think if it was possible, the love you two share would be powerful enough to keep you with him for all time. It's a force of nature."

Buffy remained silent on her end of the line.

"You won't hear me say this again, and you probably won't hear your Mom or Giles, and especially not Xander, ever say it, but maybe we were wrong. Who were we to tell you that your love was fruitless? That's not something any of us could ever know, Buffy."

"Do you really believe that?" Buffy asked quietly.

"I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't," Willow said with a grin.


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Angel sat in his office with his door closed. Nothing unusual there. But he wasn't studying his case files or talking to a client. No, he was staring at an old photograph and thinking. That's all. Thinking. Some would say brooding.

Seeing Buffy again had brought back so many memories. Not just the good ones, either. In fact, the ones most predominant in his mind were the ones which had been made most recently.

Four years ago, Buffy had come to him. And though he'd promised her he'd always be around if she ever needed him, Angel had failed her. The night she'd shown up at his apartment doorstep, half naked, frozen and shivering from the rain and cold, was embedded for all time into his brain. He'd lifted her effortlessly and she'd surrendered to his touch. It was like Buffy was dead. Angel had stripped her, bathed her, clothed her warmly and tucked her into bed, but she remained as lifeless as a ragdoll. The only signs of life were her breathing and the tears that coursed a continuous stream down her cheeks. Eventually she'd rolled over next to him, clinging to him as she would a lifeline, and slept. He'd worried ceaselessly, only to have his worst nightmare -- or one of them -- come true as Buffy had relinquished her sordid tale to him in the morning. She told him that she'd been attacked, that a *friend* of hers had attacked her and forced himself on her. And with every word she spoke, she killed another part of him. Angel had been ridden with guilt. As she talked to him, thoughts kept banging in his head. If he hadn't left her, if he hadn't had to be the hero, if he hadn't had to atone for his past sins, then this wouldn't have happened to her. Yet another sin was on his soul now, and this the worst of all. He'd let harm come to the woman he loved more than life. He was furious at himself, and in his rage of emotions, his demon had broken free. He'd asked her how she could let it happen, as if he was accusing her. And Angel knew, in his own way, he was. As his questions grew more brutal, Buffy had run from him.

It had taken him a week to come to terms with his own guilt. When he'd finally gone to her, Buffy had refused to even see him. He didn't blame her. But he hadn't been happy when she'd let him meet the sun.

After that, he lost contact with her. She didn't receive his phone calls, wouldn't respond to his letters. His only knowledge of her came through Willow and Spike until he'd hired his own detective to follow her closely and to report to him immediately if she was in trouble. Angel knew he was borderline obsessive, but he had to make sure he never let harm come to Buffy again. The only other problem he'd heard of in Buffy's love life was from a guy named Riley. They'd dated for three years, but Buffy had never agreed to consummate the relationship. When they'd graduated, Riley had given her an ultimatum. Sleep with him, or they were over. She'd left him and got on a plane, seeking her place elsewhere.

And Angel had also moved on. Created a life with Kate. It wasn't perfect, but it was home. Kate knew his history and she accepted him for who and what he was. And with the knowledge that he could never risk total happiness, Angel had slept with her. There was no reason not to, Angel knew, as long as his happiness resided in Buffy, and Buffy alone. Besides, Kate deserved as much as he could possibly give her. She'd been his redemption. With Kate, Angel could be himself. He didn't have to hold back. Everything was up front, and along with Kate's acceptance came Angel's denial. He could live without Buffy as long as she was happy without him. And he had to. Because he couldn't let any danger, even from his own hands, invade her life.

Now he was face to face with his goddess. And even now, she flinched at his touch. Was the thought so distasteful to her, then? Could she not stand to look at him, knowing that if he hadn't left her, she'd never have had to go through the ordeal of that other guy? Angel wouldn't blame her. It was the truth.

He sighed. Whistler had assured him that Buffy would come back to him. But now the wise, if cryptic, demon was away and Doyle had taken his place once again. It wasn't that he doubted Buffy would come back. He just dreaded it. And lived for it. Angel lived for any moment that he could bask in her beauty, her life, her goodness. But the thought of being rejected by her once again left him cold. Colder than usual.

So that left two questions.

What was Buffy here for?

And how could he let her walk out of his life again?





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